"We almost lost you..."

"We almost lost you..." Those four words are still piercing my heart and brings tears to my eyes.

Warning - this post is going to be a little graphic!

Wednesday started out like any other day.  I woke up to pump then had some sunnyside up eggs and toast for breakfast.  As I was sitting at the table I noticed I still had a headache from the day before.  Before I was discharged from the hospital on Monday, my doctor was going back and forth between putting me on some blood pressure medicine.  My blood pressure was all over the place during the pregnancy and the days after as well.  He decided not to, but he wanted me to come in if I had a headache that wouldn't go away.  So this was day 2 of my headache.  Honestly I have a pretty high pain tolerance (12 broken bones over the years).  So I usually would have thought nothing of it, but something was telling me to call my doctor.  I called the office and let them know I was on day 2 of my headache.  They told me to come in right away.  My mom and I threw on some clothes and we were on our way.

Once I got to the doctors office I had to go to the bathroom.  When I went to wipe I noticed my bleeding increased a ton.  In the days prior I was hardly bleeding at all.  I didn't think anything of it though, flushed the toilet and went back to the waiting room.  I was called back and my mom just stayed seated.  I turned to her and said, "I think I want you in there."

We got to the room and the nurse took my blood pressure.  180/117 - HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!!! Although it's never been that high, I knew the drill... lay back on my left side for 5 minutes then they'll retest.  As I got off the bed to adjust and lay down I felt a HUGE gush of blood.  I turned to the nurse and said "Well that's weird.  I haven't bled hardly at all the past 2 days and now I'm bleeding like crazy!"  She helped me lay down then said "Oh sweetie you're already bleeding through your pants - let's go to the bathroom to clean up."  I went to the bathroom and cleaned up a bit.  The only thing I could think of was "SERIOUSLY!?!? I don't have anything to tie around my waist to walk out of here!  How embarrassing!!"

The doctor came in the room and said to me - "WOW you look amazing.  You even had time to put some make up on!"  I laughed because I had absolutely zero make up on, but I could feel my cheeks flushed like I was running a temperature.  I told him this and they took my temperature... It was 99.8.  No big deal to them, but I know that I always run around 97.  The doctor then had me sit down on the table.  He said "Yes your blood pressure is high, but I'm more worried about the all the sudden bleeding.  So I'm going to need to do an exam."  I laid back on the table as he checked my cervix and started pressing on my lower abdomen.  He then said "WOW.  You are completely backed up and I'm going to need to press on your stomach/uterus to get all of this out."  I looked at my mom in complete terror and she came over and held my hand.

For those of you who've had a c-section you'll know exactly what I'm talking about with these tummy massages.  They're EXTREMELY PAINFUL.  Imagine a male doctor, not a nice female nurse doing it, with all of his strength!

I SCREAMED at the top of my lungs.  Well that was awkward.  I wonder what all of the other patients in this office are thinking now.  I looked up at my mom and she was crying seeing me in so much pain.

The doctor then decided to do an ultrasound to see how much blood and clots were left in my uterus after the massage.  Unfortunately there were still a ton.  My doctor turned to me and said, I'm going to let you push on your stomach to see what you can get out, but I'll be back in 20 minutes to do some more pushing myself.

I laid there in pain.  Unfortunately now that my uterus was getting cleared out, it was starting to cramp and do it's job.  Yeah for doing it's job, but oh my... I thought I was going to pass out because of the pain.  It was like my miscarriage cramps times 100!!  And I'm supposed to be pushing on my stomach which was recently tore open and stitched back up?  Okay.  So I start slowly pushing on my stomach.  My uterus is completely hard and I can feel exactly where I need to push along the edge.  I give it a couple good pushes and PLOP.  I turned to my mom with my eyes wide open and said "what was that?"  I pushed out a clot that was literally the size of a babies head.  She immediately called the nurse into the room to clean up a bit.  Wow I'm so embarrassed of the freaking mess I'm making!!!  I just kept apologizing over and over.  I was mortified.

The doctor came back in 20 minutes later as he said.  I turned to the nurse and asked for a clean towel rolled up that I could bite on.  I wasn't about to scream like that again. My doctor checked my cervix and he could feel the clots already.  I took a deep breath in as he put his hand on my lower abdomen to start pushing.  I looked up at my mom, completely terrified already beginning to cry. Thankfully this time no one could hear the screams because of the towel stuffed in my mouth.  I looked at my mom again and she was just sobbing then leaned over to give me a hug.  The doctor did another ultrasound to see how much he got out.

"I'm concerned about how fast your uterus is refilling with blood and clots.  I think we need to call an ambulance and get you to the hospital.  I'll call for the ambulance, but I need to do one last massage before they load you up."

I turned to my mom and said okay mom, you gotta go home and get me and change of pants and my wallet that has my insurance card.  Meet me back here, the doctor will do the massage and then we'll go to the hospital.

My mom came back with the items, one last massage, and then I was getting loaded onto the stretcher.  I cannot tell you how happy I was knowing that was my last massage without pain meds.  As soon as we got to the hospital my plan was to get loaded up with drugs.  I'm done being in this much pain.  Hands down, most painful and terrifying experience.

I called my husband and let him know that I was being taken to the hospital and that he needed to meet me there.  I needed his strength and comfort more that anything!!

We all get to the hospital, me by ambulance, my mom followed in my car, and David left work to join us.  The nurse did some light pushing on my stomach, gave me pain meds, and told me the doctor would be in to see me shortly.  The doctor came in and accessed me.  He said I have an infection and we need to do an emergency D&C (where they go in and scrape the uterus) which will only take 30 minutes.  My doctor would be here at 4:30pm to get started.

At 4:00 pm we said our goodbyes. As I was being wheeled away my last words to both my mom and husband were "I love you! I'll see you in 30 minutes!"  I choked back tears through the pain.  I could not WAIT to get some anesthesia because these pain pills were not touching the pain!

My doctor walked into the operating room and I instantly felt better.  I have the most amazing doctor ever!!  Yes he just completely beat me up this morning, but he is truly one of the kindest and caring men I know.  I loved that I finally could see a familiar face among all the other doctors and nurses.  They started the anesthesia and told me to breath through my nose and our through my mouth.  That's the last thing I remember.

The next thing I knew I was being woken up by nurses in my face telling me to breath.  "Breath Allyson.  You need to breath."  I started breathing.  Wow.  I feel like a truck just hit me.  I am sore ALL OVER.

They wheeled me back to my room and we meet David in the hall!  BABE!!! He held my hand and said "You were just sick of all our kids getting all of the attention weren't you?"  In the room they started hooking me up to machines to check my vitals.  I looked up at the clock... 8:50pm.

"David how is it 8:50pm?  It was supposed to be 30 minutes!!!"

"Well you gave us all a really big scare hunny."

My mom and David were kinda scarce on the details at first.  Over the next couple days they all started to come out though.  I think they were just still in shock and didn't want anything to relapse.  I had absolutely no signs leading up to today, who's to say it's not going to happen again?  My doctor said he's NEVER seen anyone look so healthy with so many complications going on.  He also said in his 15 years he's never seen that many clots and that large of clots.  Ever.

While I was under anesthesia, my bleeding was out of control.  My doctor couldn't get it to stop.  He went out to the waiting room to talk to my mom and David.  He said "We can't get her bleeding to stop.  We're going to need to keep her sedated for 24 hours in the ICU.  We're going to have to do an emergency hysterectomy tomorrow.  We're just not sure what's going to happen."

My mom and David left the hospital to go home to get the essentials... Phone chargers and tooth brushes.  They were both completely in shock.  My mom was sobbing uncontrollably and calling every family member.  David, who I have never seen cry, was once again a rock.  He said he was close to tears, but needed to stay strong for my mom.

As soon as they got home they got a phone call from my doctor.  "Somehow her bleeding stopped.  We're going to go ahead and wake her."

There are miracles that happened on Wednesday that I am so grateful for.  1. I went to the doctor for a freaking headache!!... If all this happened while I was at home, I would have freaked out.  I was in the care of my physician and I knew they'd take care of me.  2. If I would have been on blood pressure medicine, I would have no doubt bled to death.  3. I'm just beyond grateful that it wasn't my time to go.  They were able to control the bleeding finally. I'm still here and going to raise these beautiful babies with my wonderful husband.

It's so surreal to have doctors and nurse say to you "we almost lost you!"  or "I heard you almost died?"  I LOVE the nurses I had after my c section and thankfully was put on the same floor with the same group after this craziness.  So a lot of them saw my name come up and would come see me to check on me.  So grateful for these wonderful ladies!!

This experience has truly strengthened my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I'm so grateful for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.  There are no coincidences.  My doctor was prompted to not give me blood pressure medicine before I was discharged from delivery and I was prompted to call my doctor for a headache.  These two are both undeniable!  I'm grateful for my knowledge of the atonement of  Jesus Christ.  He suffered every pain and affliction as he was nailed to the cross.  He knows EXACTLY what I was going through.  He knows the pain that I went through.  He knows how scared I was.  He knows how scared I still am.  HE KNOWS.  I'm grateful that my family is eternal.  We were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity.  Because of this, I know that if something does happen I will see them again.  I'm grateful for all of the prayers said on my behalf.  I know the power of prayer.  It has helped to heal and strengthen me during this time that I've needed it the most.

To my friends and family -  I cannot thank you enough for all of the texts, phone calls, Facebook messages etc.  You all have no idea how much I needed to hear your sweet words of comfort and concern.  To my wonderful husband who won't let me out of his sight these days - I love you more than you'll ever know.  Thank you for being my rock and my better half.

3 blood transfusions, a re-stitched c section incision (thanks doc for the "massages" that busted it open again), and many prayers later - I'm on the road to recovery once again.